You might be a ukulele player if…

You might be a ukulele player if…
  1. …you've Googled the word “koa”
  2. …your pant size fluctuates between “tenor” and “concert”
  3. …you know how to both spell and pronounce “Israel Kamakawiwo'ole”
  4. …you have an extra uke just for use in the car
  5. …you have an extra uke in the trunk of your car, in case something happens to the first one
  6. …you keep a dog just for the fleas
  7. …you’ve dressed up as George Formby for Halloween
  8. …“mini bar” means B-flat minor, not the tiny fridge in a hotel
  9. …you’ll fight with your fists any man who pronounces ukulele  the way you don't
  10. …you can say “G string” without snickering
  11. …you can say “sound hole” without snickering
  12. …you actively look for ways to use “G string” and “sound hole” in the same sentence
  13. …your presidential campaign button says, “I Like (Ukulele) Ike”
  14. …you can’t read “A Christmas Carol” without singing “Tiptoe Thru the Tulips” every time Tiny Tim shows up

And think we’ll stop while we’re ahead!


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  1. You have a ukulele in your hand!!!!
    You can’t play a ukulele if you don’t have your hands lovingly around the neck and fondling the body. Plus you need to fine tune them to your way of thinking.

    1. You might be a ukulele player if every time you meet a new neighbor for the first time you introduce yourself as follows:
      “Hi, I’m your neighbor next door, do you play the ukulele?
      Oh by the way , my name is John Smith,”