You might be a ukulele player if…

A comedy-style list, to know if you Might Be a Ukulele Player…

…you've Googled the word “koa”
…your pant size fluctuates between “tenor” and “concert”
…you know how to both spell and pronounce “Israel Kamakawiwo'ole”
…you have an extra uke just for use in the car
…you have an extra uke in the trunk of your car, in case something happens to the first one
…you keep a dog just for the fleas
…you’ve dressed up as George Formby for Halloween
…“mini bar” means B-flat minor, not the tiny fridge in a hotel
…you’ll fight with your fists any man who pronounces ukulele the way you don't
…you can say “G string” without snickering
…you can say “sound hole” without snickering
…you actively look for ways to use “G string” and “sound hole” in the same sentence
…your presidential campaign button says, “I Like (Ukulele) Ike”
…you can’t read “A Christmas Carol” without singing “Tiptoe Thru the Tulips” every time Tiny Tim shows up